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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24765127">Long Lost Letters {IwaOi}</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thanatos_Daughter/pseuds/Thanatos_Daughter'>Thanatos_Daughter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, High School, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, Love Letters, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Photographer Oikawa Tooru, Sad letters, Volleyball, Warning on sensitive topics</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:07:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,358</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24765127</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thanatos_Daughter/pseuds/Thanatos_Daughter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dear Iwaizumi, <br/>If you are reading these... I'm most likely dead. I'm sorry. <br/>If you do find this and I'm still alive... Please don't read these. <br/>- Oikawa</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>149</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Letter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dear Iwaizumi, <br/>You messaged me today. I was so happy when I got it but then I read the message. You got a girlfriend. I don't know what came over me when I saw that. I was sad but why? I've never felt this before. Maybe this feeling will go away. I shouldn't say maybe. I know they will. <br/>Why am I even writing this? I don't know. My mom always told me it was best to write down my feeling. It helps. It's working...I think. I'm not feeling like I'm going to cry anymore. Why was I even going to cry? I'm not even sure anymore.</p>
<p>I hope you never get your hands on this letter. I should just throw it away afterward. You won't see it. I just know it. It will be my secret.</p>
<p>Haha. I'll see you tomorrow.<br/>Iwaizumi. I promise I will be feeling better by tomorrow!<br/>-Oikawa</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Letter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dear Iwaizumi, <br/>I saw you with your girlfriend today. You guys looked so happy together. You gave her that special simile that you look amazing in. I wish you would give me those smiles too. I don't really know what I mean by that... As a friend maybe? Maybe more? I hope it's not more. That could ruin our friendship and I don't want that. You are my best friend. I wouldn't know what to do without you.</p><p>I'm sorry if you saw me while you were with her today at school. At first, I just wanted to know who she was. Then I wanted to know how you guys acted together if you were happy. After I saw that amazing smile you gave her some unknown feeling bubble up inside of me. Was I jealous? I couldn't be. You are my best friend and I could never have those types of feeling for you..... Maybe I could? I don't know.</p><p>You always seem to be on my mind now. Is that strange? If not then I know the thoughts I've been having about you are. I would write them down but you might find these letters one day. That would be awkward.</p><p>I didn't throw out the other letter I wrote to you yesterday. I was thinking of writing how I feel about you in the letter and keep them in a box under my bed. Maybe one day I'll give them to you. <br/>Until next time, <br/>Oikawa</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Iwaizumi, <br/>It's been almost a week since I stalked you and your girlfriend. A lot has happened.</p><p>The biggest thing? My mom started me on depressant medication. I should be mad at her for doing this but... I understand why.</p><p>Ever since middle school, I was always faking it. She caught on really fast. I would stay in my room all day and only go outside when it was either school or to spend time with you. I even told her I wanted to quit volleyball.</p><p>(That was the day she made an appointment for me to go to the doctor to see what was wrong.)</p><p>About a week later is when I actually went. I told the nice lady everything that I was thinking and feeling. I ended up crying and asking why I was different. The lady talked to me. She said some wired things about our relationship and how it was okay. At the time I just thought she was being funny but now... I don't think she is. I think she was the first person who caught onto these feelings that I've been hiding. That's something else I realize this week but that can wait till my next letter.</p><p>The doctor told me I was depressed and that I should take medication for it. She said it would help but I wouldn't have to take them until I'm older to understand the situation I'm in. Later that day I and mom was going over what the doctor said. I told her I didn't want to take the medication. We fought about it but in the end, we had an agreement. Once my 3rd year of high school rolls around and I wasn't doing better I would be started on the meds. I've been holding her off but this past week has been so terrible that I couldn't anymore. I agreed.</p><p>I remember the next day I snapping at Kageyama because I was scared. I felt like I couldn't control my own life anymore. I don't know what would happen if you weren't there that day to stop me. I may have hit him. I know if I did I would just go home and cry about it on my bed.</p><p>I don't know how many times I've done that now. At least once a week, mostly on my desk or bed.</p><p>I did catch you looking my way today. Do you know my secret? I hope not. I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want you to see the real me. I don't want you to know the sad excuse of a person I am.</p><p>I guess I should end this here now. <br/>Until next time, <br/>Oikawa </p><p>*Present Day* <br/>"This isn't right. It can't be." Iwaizumi says as he looks down at the letter and lets out a few tears. "Has he really been suffering this whole time? Why didn't I notice it? Why didn't he tell me?" Iwaizumi felt stupid as he said those words out loud and he thought back at what happened earlier today. "Of course he's been going through this for a long time. He's in the hospital at the moment for this stupid reason! God, I'm so stupid!" Iwaizumi yells out. He wishes that he could throw something right now.</p><p>So many emotions were getting mixed together in Iwaizumi's head. Hate for his self, anger, sadness for his best friend. Could he even call Oikawa that anymore?<br/>Iwaizumi lets out a few tears. He turns his attention to the box of letters beside him. There were so many.</p><p>Iwaizumi picks up the next one and begins reading it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you are liking the story so far. Please tell me if you find any misspellings or anything else.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Letter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning for internalized homophobia. Just a small dose.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Iwaizumi,<br/>So those feeling I was talking about in the last letter. Maybe you were wondering what I meant. (That is if I ever have the guts to give you these letters.) Let me tell you the story of how I came to find out and accept these feelings.</p><p>It was a few days after you got a girlfriend and we were in practice. I had been spacing out throughout the day. It became worse during volleyball. Watching you practice had become one of my favorite things to do. I just couldn't stop thinking of you. At random times of day, something would remind me of you.</p><p>During practice, I kept messing up and you were getting fed up with it. You came up to me and grabbed me by the shirt and started yelling at me. Asking me why I kept messing shot. Why I kept drifting off during practice. What had gotten into me?</p><p>I didn't say anything at the time. I was just happy you were talking to me. I didn't care if you were just yelling at me.</p><p>Later that night I walked home from volleyball practice. You usually walk with me since we live close together but today your girlfriend had asked to do something with you. I really didn't care since most times that you talked about her I was holding back tears. Sometimes it was just that you wanted to stay behind and talk to her. It made my heart hurt but in the end, it was up to you for who you wanted to date.</p><p>While walking home, I texted my mom and asked her to make some tea. It was a way to tell the other that I wanted to talk about something that's been going on. Usually, it was my mom who wanted to talk. Maybe a new boyfriend or job that's she has to take on or it was that her boss was a dick. So it must have been a surprise when I message her because when I walked in she was sitting on the couch with a worried look.</p><p>I went and sat down beside her. We talked for a few minutes before I brought up what I actually wanted to talk about.</p><p>"Mom, I've been feeling strange. There this... certain person that has been taking up all my thoughts lately and when I'm around them I want to be the perfect me. I'm nervous and feel like I might throw up if I make the wrong move but I'm so happy. I don't want to leave there side. It feels almost like a second home? If that makes any sense. I want to hold there hand. I want to kiss them. I want to take up all there time. I just want to be with them." I had looked down at my hands before looking at my mom right in the eyes. "What's going on with me?" I asked.</p><p>My mom placed her hand on my shoulder and gave me a soft smile. "Oh, honey. I think you might be in love." My mom gave me big smiles before asking "So... Who's the lucky lady?" She asked me.</p><p>That's when I started crying. "It's not... It's not a girl." I had barely made out through my tears. I put my face in my hands and cried.</p><p>My mom gave me a blank look before realizing what I had said. In a soft voice, I heard her say. "I'm sorry."</p><p>Once I had stopped crying I lifted my head out of my hands and said the words that broke my mom's world (well that's how it felt to me anyway). "It's Iwaizumi."</p><p>We sat there for a while with my mom just looking at me. I don't know what was going through her head. I don't know what she was thinking. Maybe something along the lines of 'How could my son fall for his best friend' or 'Why would he'.</p><p>I had finally had enough of her staring. I got up off the couch and walked back into my room. I know I wasn't wanted in their anymore. </p><p>I cried sometime in my room. I think my mom heard because the next thing I knew I heard her voice. Words that would break my own world. Words I never wanted to hear again. "I'm going to start you're on your meds."</p><p>Maybe she didn't want her son to be gay. Maybe she thought the meds could help change that. Maybe she just thought I was shoving my emotions onto my best friend. Emotions that I had for another girl. Maybe... Just maybe she always knew but didn't want to accept it.</p><p>So that's how I came to accept that I was in love with my childhood best friend. That I didn't want to leave your side. That I couldn't live without you in my life. That I want to kiss you and hold you in my arms. That I want to use to cuddle in bed at night. That I wanna send you late night text about stupid stuff. That I want all of this.</p><p>I think I cried the hardest I ever have that night because I didn't want to accept it at that moment. That I couldn't be in love with Iwaizumi.</p><p>But I was.</p><p>I'm accepting that fact now.</p><p>I love you Iwaizumi. Please notice that I do before something bad happens. <br/>-Oikawa</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've almost completed the story on Wattpad and decided to add it here. At the time of writing this, there are 16 chapters. If you want to go ahead and read it you can find it under the username Thanatos_Daughter. I will say that if you do decide to go and read it that there are triggering topics in the later chapter. Just be warned.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Letter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dear Iwaizumi, <br/>It's been about 5 days now since I wrote the last letter. Not much has happened really.</p><p>Mom hasn't really been talking to me much. Just to ask about how my day has been or if I took my meds. It's getting really boring. I want to talk to her and reach out to her but it just seems so hard. I feel like she doesn't understand or that she would want to.</p><p>In other news, I've always had this friend. His name is Kuroo. We would talk on and off. At one point we were very close. That was before high school. Kuroo was close to finding out about everything but he never did ask. I wonder why.</p><p>Anyways! He's going to be coming this way. Do you know that volleyball practice match we have tomorrow? Kuroo in it! He's also the captain of his team.</p><p>Honestly, I'm so excited. I'm getting to meet one of my best friends. No one can beat you though Iwaizumi! Haha.</p><p>Kuroo said that they would have to spend the night because it's such a long drive. They didn't feel like driving in the dark.</p><p>So you know what that means Iwaizumi?! I'll get to hang out with Kuroo for a few hours! You know since we don't usually have practice after practice matches.</p><p>Kuroo and I already know a few things we are going to do. Kuroo said he's always wanted to walk around the parks here. I also told him I would get him some of my favorite ice creams! You know from that one place me and you use to go to every day when we were kids before we got into volleyball?</p><p>I would have told you my plans but... 1.) You already said you had plans with your girlfriend that day and 2.) You never did ask me. You usually would and we would do something together but... It's different this time.</p><p>I'll be fine though. I'll be spending my time with Kuroo! You don't need to worry! I can't wait. I'll write another letter tomorrow when I get home. I'll tell you all about my adventure with Kuroo!<br/>Until next time,<br/>Oikawa</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Letter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Iwaizumi, <br/>Everything happens so fast, doesn't it? One moment you are talking with a friend and the next he getting kicked out of your house while you're mom yelling at you.</p><p>I guess I should back up first.</p><p>So I and Kuroo got some ice cream and started walking around the park. We talked about everything that has happened in the past few years that we weren't able to text each other. He seems to really like this person named Kenma. Seems like they have also been childhood friends too. </p><p>Isn't that cool? Maybe we can all hang out together one day! I would really want you to meet Kuroo. If he would even want to hang out again.</p><p>Anyways after a few hours of this we decided to go somewhere to sit down. It was about noon. Kuroo would be leaving around 3. Earlier, I had noticed that we were close to my house so I asked him to come over.</p><p>I messaged my mom that I had a long time volleyball friend coming over. I didn't want her to freak out when she comes home and sees some random guy on the out couch. She messaged me back saying that was fine.</p><p>Kuroo and I got to my house. We decided we would just watch some TV. I got some snakes out for me and him to eat.</p><p>While watching Tv, I had somehow found myself laying on Kuroo's stomach while he sat against the armrest of the couch.</p><p>It was almost 2:30 when my mom walked in. I didn't really think of how we were sitting at the time. It was like we naturally moved that way. Maybe because I'm so used to it being you in Kuroo spot.</p><p>Kuroo and I didn't mind her any business. We both just said a quick hello.</p><p>A couple of minutes past. I'm guessing she put down all her bags. She walked into the living room to find how I and Kuroo was sitting.</p><p>The next thing I know I'm getting yanked off of Kuroo with my mom yelling up in my face. Saying stuff about how she didn't want to see that shit in her house, how could I disrespect our family like this and other things along the lines of that.</p><p>Mom then turned around and looked at Kuroo, she asked him to leave. That's when things got bad.</p><p>Once Kuroo left with a "Sorry" and a bow, mom started yelling again about how she couldn't believe her son was gay, how could God give her a child that was gay, and how could I ever let this happen like it was my own choice to be this way.</p><p>I didn't say anything throughout her rant. I just let in sink in.</p><p>Once she was done I walked back into my room.</p><p>That leads us here to this moment. As I sit at my desk I can't help but think... If you knew would you say the same thing as she did? Would you stop being my friend? Would you hate my guts?</p><p>All these questions feel my head. I should stop thinking of them. <br/>Until next time, <br/>Oikawa </p><p>*Present Day* <br/>Iwaizumi balled up his fist. He wished he knew about all of this. He wishes he would have been more involved in Oikawa's personal life at the time. Iwaizumi wish Oikawa would have told him about how his mom was treating him. He wishes he had asked if anything was going on. He wished that he wasn't so caught up with his ex.</p><p>Iwaizumi wished that Oikawa would have just told him about how he was feeling.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Letter #7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dear Iwaizumi,<br/>So college.... </p><p>It's been something that's been on my mind lately. What are we going to do after high school? Will we go to the same college? Will you leave me? </p><p>Haha. That's stupid. Of course you won't. Right Iwaizumi? </p><p>All we can do is wait to see what the future will hold. </p><p>Anyways... I found a photo of us when we were kids! </p><p> </p><p>Mom brought it up when she was yelling at me today. Asking me why we couldn't be like this. Why did I have to grow feelings for you? </p><p>It's been getting worse ever since she saw me with Kuroo. </p><p>Anyways... You just look so cute in that photo! Well... You are always cute you have just became more handsome. </p><p>Do you remember that day? Your mom had asked our family to go to the beach. It was right before we found out my sister was pregnant. That was around the beginning of 5th grade. </p><p>Do you remember right after your mom snapped the photo I pushed you into the water? I sat there laughing till you pulled me down with you. You screamed at me but after a couple of minutes we both ended up laughing like crazy. </p><p>Those are such good memories. I wish I could go back to that time. </p><p>Oh... You might be wondering what happened with my mom and how I got the photo. </p><p>Well she threw the photo at me while yelling and told me to "Get my gay ass into my room." </p><p>Yeah... Things have gotten bad. </p><p>Until next time, <br/>Oikawa </p><p> </p><p>*Present time* <br/>Iwaizumi looked at the paper. There seemed to have been blood snugged on the paper like Oikawa was bleeding while he was writing it. </p><p>"What was you doing?" Iwaiumi asked himself. "You wasn't...." He didn't want to say the words. He didn't want to think of all the pain that he was going through. Iwaizumi didn't want to think of his best friends being that suicidal. </p><p>Iwaizumi looks at the box of letters.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter #8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Iwaizumi, <br/>So today in class out the teacher gave us a question to write our answer to this.</p><p>Describe you're soulmate.</p><p>I started with the basics, they like volleyball, wouldn't mind me not spending every day with them, someone who pushes me to be the best me.</p><p>But it started to change. I started describing how they looked. I had the perfect image of them in my head.</p><p>They have grey eyes. <br/>They slightly tan skin. <br/>Black hair. <br/>An amazing smile. <br/>Most likely would be my friend since childhood. <br/>Someone who yells at me. <br/>Someone who tells me not to overwork myself. <br/>Someone who watches over me. <br/>Someone who is Iwaizumi.</p><p>I actually wrote it without thinking. I had just described you all the way through and basically said that you are my soulmate.</p><p>You are someone I want to be with till I die.</p><p>Maybe one day we will be. <br/>Until next time, <br/>Oikawa</p><p>*Present Day* <br/>Iwaizumi remember the day. He had written something similar to Oikawa.</p><p>Iwaizumi has been describing him but didn't realize it. He could remember some of the things that were listed out.</p><p>Has would have a stupid personality. <br/>He would be amazing at volleyball. <br/>He would have brown hair and brown eyes. <br/>He would have a light skin tone. <br/>Someone I would look after.</p><p>Iwaizumi remember getting the paperback and at the top, the teacher had written "Someone like Oikawa?"</p><p>At the time Iwaizumi thought she was being stupid but couldn't deny that Iwaizumi did have some kind of feeling for Oikawa. Even if he didn't 100% understand then or wanted to accept the emotions.</p><p>Now he knows what that feeling is.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter #9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Iwaizumi, <br/>You'll probably never read this, Iwa-chan but today a song came on Spotify while I was walking home alone. You were with your girlfriend, walking her home. While I was walking home alone and thinking of what we could have been.</p><p>It's from an English musician. Good thing I know a good bit of English.</p><p>I haven't even told you the song. Silly me.</p><p>It's "Talk Me Down" by Troye Sivan.</p><p>Hopefully, if you ever do read this you'll listen to the song.</p><p>*Present Day* <br/>Iwaizumi puts the letter down onto the bed and picks up his phone. He goes onto YouTube and types in the name of the song and the artist. He goes and grabs his earbuds and put them in.</p><p>Once Iwaizumi was done a message popped up. It was from Oikawa older sister.</p><p>Hey, Oikawa is stable now. The doctor said he's going to wake up in a few hours. You know he's going to want to see you. Hurry and get done reading the letters.</p><p>Iwaizumi types a fast reply to her saying he would be there as soon as he could. As he does he scrolls up to the message that Oikawa sister has sent to him earlier.</p><p>There a box of letters under Oikawa bed. You may want to read them before you come to the hospital to see him. You should know everything.</p><p>Iwaizumi looks at the letters again and starts to play the song through his earbuds.</p><p>A sweet melody fills his ear as he starts to read the letters again.</p><p>If you are reading this you may be wondering why I was thinking of you. Well, it's simple.</p><p>Everything in the song is something I want to do with you or something I can relate too.</p><p>I want to sleep next to you as equals and not just friends. I want to come home to you every day. I want to hold your hand. I want to know about every little thing that happens in your life.</p><p>You may not know about the shadows I deal with a three in the morning. You may not notice that my hands shake when I do anything now. You may not know I live in my own fantasy all day. </p><p>I really want you to come over right now and talk me out of killing myself because I feel like everything is going wrong right now. That I will never see the brighter side. I feel like my head stuck underwater and I'm trying to get up to the surface of the water to breath.</p><p>I wish you were here. I should go message you to help.<br/>Until next time,<br/>Oikawa</p><p>*Present Day* <br/>Iwaizumi looks down at the letter and let's a few tears slip. How didn't he notice it?</p><p>He usually noticed everything about Oikawa. Everyone knew that. They would come up to Iwaizumi just to ask about Oikawa during High School and Middle School.</p><p>Iwaizumi whips the tears away and looks down at his phone.</p><p>He restarts the song.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter #10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Iwaizumi,<br/>Has something been going on the past three days? You've been ignoring me. You won't even yell at me throughout the day, even if I messed up during practice.</p><p>I know some people were talking in class that there a rumour going around saying that your girlfriend was a coverup for our relationship the other day but I didn't think anything of it till now.</p><p>Is that why you haven't been talking to me because you heard about those rumours?</p><p>I know they're fake but a small part of me wishes that it was real but I know it won't ever happen.</p><p>I texted you about an hour ago to see if you were okay but you haven't messaged me back. I checked to snap to see if you posted anything on your story but all that was there were pictures of you and your girlfriend. You guys looked really cute in them!</p><p>I hope you message me back soon. I'm really worried about you. I hope everything going well.</p><p>In other news, I and Kuroo have been talking a lot lately. He's even trying to introduce me to one of his friends. I think his name was Lev. He's new to the team. From what Kuroo told me about him he's mixed Japanese and Russian. He's really tall with grey hair. Kuroo sent me a photo of him. I wish I could add it to the letter.</p><p>Well next Monday, Kuroo, Kemna, Lev and me are all meeting up to hang out since none of us will have a practice that day.</p><p>I'm so excited for Monday! <br/>Till next time,<br/>Oikawa</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter #11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Iwaizumi, <br/>So you finally told me what was wrong with you for the past few days. You did hear about the rumours and were trying to keep the distance between us so they didn't get any crazier. There seemed to be something else going on but I didn't ask. I knew when the time came you would tell me.</p><p>I understand where you are coming from but it still hurt me. I wish you would have just texted me and told me that's what you were going to do. You could have but you never did.</p><p>Those rumours did get started because I was being so clingy and always posting about us on snap a lot.</p><p>So I guess I should say sorry. I am the reason the rumours did get started.</p><p>I guess that's all I have to say for now. <br/>Till next time, <br/>Oikawa</p><p>*That Day* <br/>But that wasn't actually what was actually happened.</p><p>Yeah, Iwaizumi didn't like the rumours going on but he knew Oikawa wouldn't like him - or that's what he thought. So it wasn't a big deal to him.</p><p>What actually happened is that Iwaizumi mom and dad had started yelling and fighting again. Something that they haven't happened since middle school.</p><p>He thought that it was over for them and that they all could just be one happy family but he was telling his self a lie. Something he knew that could never be true.</p><p>Before Iwaizumi knew it they were right back to fighting and yelling. This time it was that his dad was sleeping around with some assistant at work and his mom had found out when she dropped by to give him some paperwork that he had forgotten at home.</p><p>All through the night, he heard them yelling.</p><p>Iwaizumi wanted to leave his room and climb across to Oikawa room but didn't want to get in trouble by his dad like last time. Also, the rumour in school wasn't helping the situation.</p><p>See Iwaizumi and Oikawa have lived beside each other since they were born. In between their house was this tree that either one of them would climb through to get to the other room.</p><p>Usually, they would keep the window open or use this special knock for the other to alert them to open the window or that they are coming in.</p><p>In the past, it was usually Iwaizumi going over to Oikawa room to get away from his family but the past few years it had been Oikawa coming into Iwaizumi room after they lose a game or something happened. It didn't really matter because his mom and dad weren't fighting.</p><p>Iwaizumi laid in bed and try's to go back to sleep but couldn't. So the next day in school he was grumpy and didn't want to talk to anyone. Not even Oikawa.</p><p>This kept going on for a few weeks till finally he crossed the tree into Oikawa room and slept there.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter #12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Iwaizumi,</p><p>I finally got to sleep beside you again. I woke up feeling warm. I wasn't tired and I felt amazing finally being back in your arms. It's something that I have missed like crazy. I didn't realize that until I woke up beside you. You were breathing lightly. Your lips were slightly parted. You had your arms around me tightly like I was the only thing that mattered in this stupid world. It made me warm inside. I snuggled up to you and let you sleep till the alarm woke you up.</p><p>But the happiness didn't last long.</p><p>After school, we went to volleyball practice. You had the biggest smile on your face. You were happy. I hadn't seen that smile on you in forever. I was happy to see it but why were you wearing it? I know it wasn't because of me. It made me sad to see you this way. I wanted to be the reason why you smile and the reason why you are happy.</p><p>At the end of practice, you finally showed us why you were so happy. From the back of you're pocket you brought out a pink envelope. It had a handwritten cursive on it. Even looked like the person had kissed it with lip gloss.</p><p>The team were so happy for you. Hitting you on the arm. Asking who it was from and even making fun of you thinking that you were gay.</p><p>I just stood there and stayed quite. I felt hurt but how would you know that I had feelings for you? I never did tell you, so why did it hurt so much.</p><p>At the time my chest had felt tight and my heart was beating fast. I just listen to everything that was going on and didn't make any comment on it. I just walked home and fell onto my bed. It would take a couple of hours for it to settle in. Your girlfriend was so sweet. I know you just love her.</p><p>I wish that could be me instead.</p><p>It hurt but I would get over it soon. <br/>Till next time, <br/>Oikawa</p><p>*Present Day* <br/>Iwaizumi looks down at the two necklaces around his neck. One of them was from the girl he had wanted to marry but had cheated on him with someone else and had fallen pregnant. The same girl that Oikawa was talking about. The one he had mentioned before in the letters.</p><p>Oikawa had warned him the girl. That he didn't trust her. That she was just using him but Iwaizumi had ignored it at the time. He thought Oikawa was just being stupid. He really should have listened to him more.</p><p>Now, look at him. He was in his best friend old room reading the letter that Oikawa had written to him in high school after him and his girlfriend broke it off for good and while Oikawa was in the hospital.</p><p>Iwaizumi looks down at the note and then the necklace. He reaches behind him and takes the necklace that his ex had given him. He really didn't know why he still wore it. Maybe a part of him still loved her but with each note that he read the feeling was getting less strong.</p><p>Iwaizumi sits the necklace in the little box of the letter. "I'm sorry Oikawa." He diapers to his self.</p>
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